West Cocoa Chat

“I’m a hacked off kind of guy.” I heard these words from one of Greg’s good friends while he (not Greg) was teaching a Sunday School Class. I fell in love (in a “how “bout” them Chicago Bears sort of way) with Greg’s friend when he uttered that phrase during class.

I guess you could say I’m a “hacked off kind of guy” since I’ve been coughing my head off for the last 3 weeks. I finally relented from my wife’s constant assault on my diagnosis skills and went to the Doctor yesterday. Once my rib cage started to hurt like a bad scene from WWF Wrestling I knew I needed to go not to mention the fact that moi is considered to be the “Clark Griswald” of our neighborhood and I have yet to find the energy to put up one strand of lights on the old abode yet.

I had the last appointment at 4 yesterday. I was taken back to the examining room at 5. This gave me one hour to contemplate the dynamics of quantum mechanics, play around with a little fracto-geometry, and come to the realization that I really need some help with my golf game after reading the same edition of “Golf Digest” several times. BTW – I love my Doctor. He is a really nice guy that will actually take some (as must have been practicing yesterday) time to talk to you. After listening to my lungs and sob story about being unable to run a 4 minute mile, he ordered up a round of x-rays and an EKG or an EEG. It’s the one us hairy guys dread because it brings up one of those questions that has plague mankind (or those of us who are a little closer to the “missing link” than others) for eons; do we shave this hairy rascal or tape him up and have some fun?

The answer from the tech for me yesterday was, we shall “tapeth thy chest.” Of course, on the first go around several electrodes were not reading (which can make one a bit nervous) so the solution, let’s add more tape! “Sir, are you allergic to duct tape?” “Just the blue kind Ma’m.”

Any way, more tape was added, a successful reading was had, and then I proceeded to rip all of the belt loops out of my pants as I was “de-taped” by the tech that seem to draw delight by showing the amount of hair that each piece of tape contained as it was ripped from my body.

The good news is my chest now looks like a map of the 7 continents as well as the “EE-thing” came out normal. The bad news is I have bronchitis with a possible touch of pneumonia. I am feeling a little better today after a night and a morning of taking some antibiotics.

So there you have it hair fans. Remember, for this boy if the question of tape or shave comes again, as for me and my chest, we will serve the blade.