Tuesday, November 28, 2006
No Excuses. Well, Maybe Not.
The following is an excerpt from an article posted on one of our local (WFTV Channel 9) T.V. Channel’s website. You can read the entire article at http://www.wftv.com/money/10405430/detail.html
Workers who are chronic offenders may be running out of ideas. Forty-one percent of hiring managers said they have received unusual or suspicious sick day alibis. Sixty-two percent did not believe them, according to the survey. When asked to share the most unusual excuses employees gave for missing work, hiring managers offered the following examples:
1) Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
2) A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
3) Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
4) Employee called from his cell phone, said he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and no one was around to let him out.
5) Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.
6) Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
7) One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.
8) Employee's mother was in jail.
9) A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
10) Employee had bad hiccups.
11) Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.
12) Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.
13) Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
14) Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.
15) Employee was sad.
The survey was completed in September 2006 and included 1,650 workers and 1,150 hiring managers nationwide.
Here is my read on some of the excuses:
1. It’s conceivable.
2. Remove the word “buffalo” and insert the word “cow” for us folks in West Cocoa.
3. no comment
4. no comment
5. Not in West Cocoa.
6. Possible around the Holidays.
7. This is one for Steve.
8. Anyone want to take this one?
9. I don’t wear uniforms but it could happen.
10. Is there any other kind?
11. Greg?
12. Greg, Randy, and the Puckster – this would apply to the Chuckster.
13. Only if it was a school bus here.
14. I don’t own any dogs.
15. This could occur after an elders’ meeting.
O.K., time for you to have fun. What has been (if you care to share) either your best excuse for missing work or one that you’ve heard?
Workers who are chronic offenders may be running out of ideas. Forty-one percent of hiring managers said they have received unusual or suspicious sick day alibis. Sixty-two percent did not believe them, according to the survey. When asked to share the most unusual excuses employees gave for missing work, hiring managers offered the following examples:
1) Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
2) A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
3) Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
4) Employee called from his cell phone, said he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and no one was around to let him out.
5) Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.
6) Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
7) One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.
8) Employee's mother was in jail.
9) A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
10) Employee had bad hiccups.
11) Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.
12) Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.
13) Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
14) Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.
15) Employee was sad.
The survey was completed in September 2006 and included 1,650 workers and 1,150 hiring managers nationwide.
Here is my read on some of the excuses:
1. It’s conceivable.
2. Remove the word “buffalo” and insert the word “cow” for us folks in West Cocoa.
3. no comment
4. no comment
5. Not in West Cocoa.
6. Possible around the Holidays.
7. This is one for Steve.
8. Anyone want to take this one?
9. I don’t wear uniforms but it could happen.
10. Is there any other kind?
11. Greg?
12. Greg, Randy, and the Puckster – this would apply to the Chuckster.
13. Only if it was a school bus here.
14. I don’t own any dogs.
15. This could occur after an elders’ meeting.
O.K., time for you to have fun. What has been (if you care to share) either your best excuse for missing work or one that you’ve heard?
Comments:
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Randy's comment has me busting up.
I've missed work because I had to go see Star Wars. Does that count?
These excuses remind me of things my kids have come up with. I wish I'd written them all down.
I've missed work because I had to go see Star Wars. Does that count?
These excuses remind me of things my kids have come up with. I wish I'd written them all down.
My sister-in-law's sister had a co-worker who did indeed call in sad. She was sad for a week or two, and then I think she may have been fired. That employee had the job that had such turnover, they didn't bother learning the new person's name and privately referred to them by number. Number 7 went to the bathroom mid-morning on her first day and never came back.
Thurman8er wound up with his picture in the paper when he called in "sick" to go see Star Wars. (Busted!)
I use my sick time, usually when I'm sick. That's all I'm going to say about that.
Thurman8er wound up with his picture in the paper when he called in "sick" to go see Star Wars. (Busted!)
I use my sick time, usually when I'm sick. That's all I'm going to say about that.
Here you go. Some of my favorites:
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Walmart.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My step other has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead!
Peace.
If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
My stigmata's acting up.
I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Walmart.
Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
My step other has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
I've used up all my sick days so I'm calling in dead!
Peace.
Judy - Me too.
John - My version of that is "no slugs."
Randy - Now that would have been a "religious experience."
Steve - I think it counts if your boss is Yoda.
Greg - Now that you're gone Monty rags on me with that "work, what is work line." Of course, I can't catch some shut eye when I have students.
Wendy - What kind of job was that, first year teacher?
Puck - You are the "excuse master." At this point I would insert "insurance" for the word "interest" on your #17.
Dee - I try to get out of cleaning house and get the (as my friend calls it) coveted, "Kitchen Pass" so I can play golf by telling my wife, "There is a brother that needs some deep, intense spiritual counseling and this will take 4 hours to accomplish." Hasn't worked yet.
John - My version of that is "no slugs."
Randy - Now that would have been a "religious experience."
Steve - I think it counts if your boss is Yoda.
Greg - Now that you're gone Monty rags on me with that "work, what is work line." Of course, I can't catch some shut eye when I have students.
Wendy - What kind of job was that, first year teacher?
Puck - You are the "excuse master." At this point I would insert "insurance" for the word "interest" on your #17.
Dee - I try to get out of cleaning house and get the (as my friend calls it) coveted, "Kitchen Pass" so I can play golf by telling my wife, "There is a brother that needs some deep, intense spiritual counseling and this will take 4 hours to accomplish." Hasn't worked yet.
The excuse about the horses really happened to us. Our horses got out and were on Highway 77 that has alot of heavy truck traffic. It took us about and hour and a half to get them fenced. Then we had to go into the pasures and find where the fence was down and repair it. So that is a valid excuse.
Then there was the time we found a horse down - she had tried to give birth and the colt got stuck, they both died and we had to bury them before going to work.
The blowing the nose and the back goes out does happen when one has a hernated disc or siatica problems (has happened to me more than once). When it does happen, your legs will not function.
Loved Puckett's excuses.
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Then there was the time we found a horse down - she had tried to give birth and the colt got stuck, they both died and we had to bury them before going to work.
The blowing the nose and the back goes out does happen when one has a hernated disc or siatica problems (has happened to me more than once). When it does happen, your legs will not function.
Loved Puckett's excuses.
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