Friday, October 14, 2005
Image or Lesson?
I arrived at our church building this morning at 7:30am with my son and 2 of his buddies from our youth group. They wanted to be early (bus was scheduled to leave at 8am) so they could get a prime seat on our bus for the trip to the Florida Keys. I helped them load their things in our church’s trailer and then I spoke to Chad (our youth minister) for a few minutes. I didn’t notice Steven and his 2 buds disappearing into our building. They were headed for our youth "suite" (the room is too big to call a room) to play some ping-pong while waiting for the rest of the teens to arrive.
At about this time 2 of the chaperones drove up in a pick up truck loaded with supplies. They needed help loading them into the trailer that Chad was going to pull behind the bus. Instantly my "servant mode" kicked in and I looked for the 3 young teen boys ( I had to be at work by 8) that I had just delivered to the premises. I ran into the building and up to the teen suite to get the boys to help load the trailer. When I delivered my admonition to serve, initially the boys weren’t too happy. They were having fun playing Ping-Pong and I can’t blame them. I would have been doing the same thing at 15. It was at this point that I told my son Steven that I didn’t raise him to be a "slug." (another southern post-modern term)
To his credit he immediately deciphered my message of guilt and headed downstairs to help load the trailer. The other boys slowly followed behind. It was at this point that this thought occurred to me. I wondered where the line was between trying to make Steven into a "copy" of me vs. teaching him legitimate lessons on service to others? Does that make sense? I want Steven to be his own person but at the same time I feel this urging to "tweak" his behavior to make him a better person in my opinion. When do you back off and allow your child to make or not make those kinds of decisions vs. doing what I did and step in and effect some change?
To Steven’s 15-year-old credit he cheerfully pitched in and helped load the trailer. Thanks for reading and have a good weekend.
At about this time 2 of the chaperones drove up in a pick up truck loaded with supplies. They needed help loading them into the trailer that Chad was going to pull behind the bus. Instantly my "servant mode" kicked in and I looked for the 3 young teen boys ( I had to be at work by 8) that I had just delivered to the premises. I ran into the building and up to the teen suite to get the boys to help load the trailer. When I delivered my admonition to serve, initially the boys weren’t too happy. They were having fun playing Ping-Pong and I can’t blame them. I would have been doing the same thing at 15. It was at this point that I told my son Steven that I didn’t raise him to be a "slug." (another southern post-modern term)
To his credit he immediately deciphered my message of guilt and headed downstairs to help load the trailer. The other boys slowly followed behind. It was at this point that this thought occurred to me. I wondered where the line was between trying to make Steven into a "copy" of me vs. teaching him legitimate lessons on service to others? Does that make sense? I want Steven to be his own person but at the same time I feel this urging to "tweak" his behavior to make him a better person in my opinion. When do you back off and allow your child to make or not make those kinds of decisions vs. doing what I did and step in and effect some change?
To Steven’s 15-year-old credit he cheerfully pitched in and helped load the trailer. Thanks for reading and have a good weekend.
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I really believe that kids need direction, both by example and by "nudging." They need that extra kick in the pants now and again to help them see not only where their priorities need to be, but where yours, as a parent, teacher, youth leader, etc., are as well. Thanks for "nudging" them in the right direction. God Bless
Thanks guys. As a follow up - our youth deacon told me that Steven was extremely helpful on the youth group's trip to the Keys.
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